onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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