the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
