She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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