It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
