A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
