I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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