What did I eat last night that was bloody?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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