she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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