totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
