do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
