watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
