yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
