I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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