I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
