You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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