my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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