my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
