I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
