I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
