my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
