Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
