Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
