he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
