nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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