yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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