She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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