I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
