Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
