i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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