come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dick very happy bro
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
