He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
