guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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