You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
