my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
