Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
