i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
