Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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