GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
