No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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