I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
