He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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