he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
