from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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