If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
