Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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