Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
