do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
