I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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