The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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