my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
